Cruisin' With Mom Part I

I'm too lazy to completely write this post from scratch so these are edited excerpts from letters written to Matt and days one and two. Please ignore that the verb tense is horribly inconsistent.

Well day one went pretty smoothly. The pillow I took made the drive bearable despite the plastic wedge sewn on to my back and luckily I packed a large bottle of extra strength Tylenol which I took regularly. On the way down we passed through Houston where we stopped at a Dillard’s store and bought a pair of new sandals for me and a new pair of dress pants for mom. While at this mall we got some lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. I nearly cried when I couldn't take my left overs with me and I was too full to get dessert (as opposed to desert which I've had plenty of thank you very much).  When we reached Galveston we drove in a couple of circles before finding the parking lot. For the fee of forty-five dollars we parked the Scion and got a bus ride to the cruise ship terminal. Galveston was extremely humid and the terminal was composed entirely of lines. I don’t mean to say that we waited in one giant line. We waited in a line and went to wait in another line. We repeated this many times. Finally we got on board ship and had a good laugh when we discovered the closet space allotted for our personal space. Our suitcases eventually arrived from their security checks and no sooner had we pulled them in our room then we were called for a safety briefing. All the passengers were crowded tightly into small spaces and forced to listen to a British sounding lady tell us how to put on life jackets, that women/children/and sick people get priority, and that we were under maritime law if on  a lifeboat. An already inebriated guy next to mom kept exclaiming that we needed to sing yellow submarine and the life boats should be repainted yellow. Finally mom told him that he could sing orange submarine instead. This seemed to stump him and he took the rest of the briefing to ponder this deep insight. When we were released we went to explore the ship. The ship is huge from the distance it looks like a very large building. It is also divided into multiple sections that only connect on certain floors, and possesses an overwhelming number of stair cases and elevators. We said goodbye to Galveston as the boat left port. You can’t really tell that you’re moving at any point in time, the boats just too big. We ate dinner in the lower Paris Dining room, and Claire we did find a shuffle board. Best of all as we were heading down to bed we heard a male performer singing and it was a song from Out to Sea. Just perfect. 

Day two started by us going up to the eleventh floor (top deck) to try to see the sunrise. We weren’t early enough. So we headed back down to where we live on the first floor (directly above the crew). After making ourselves gorgeous we headed up to find breakfast. During breakfast we saw two things of note a bizarre looking transvestite that we’re pretty sure is male kept pursing his lips as he perused the crowd and an Asian girl with an eight inch tall bumpit assisted hairdo. I have never seen hair so big. After breakfast we went and got our pedicures. There is some natural law out there that if I go to a spa and there is a surly someone or a brunhilda (a woman with unnatural strength) I always get them. Today it was a surly someone. She called my name at the spa and I trotted along after her.  I sat down in the pedicure chair and she asked me “Do you have any allergies?” I responded to her with, “Are you going to wipe me down with any cats or dogs?”. She looks at me sullenly, “I have to ask that question.” I respond with, “It was a joke,” which got no response from her. Later she had me pick out some nail polish. I picked one out and said, “It has to be pink”. “That’s not pink,”She tells me flatly. “It looks pink.” “It isn't  it’s coral this is pink (holding a paler shade up) do you want pink?”She asks irritably. “Yes, I want this pink (pointing to the coral pink)…..anyway she wasn't precisely genial, but my “pink” toenails looked fabulous. Mom and I sat out on the deck for a little while and then managed to get lost on the boat for a good forty minutes, before finding the dining room to get lunch. We shared a table with four other people. On one side of us sat a pair of ladies who talked a lot about drunk people and in particular drunk Irishmen. On the other side of us sat a cute young couple who were cattle ranchers in Kansas. 

After lunch we enjoyed a few hours spent on deck. The main deck that is the top of the ship is full of loud music, lots of wind, and people who wear revealing things…who shouldn't.  During one of our getting lost on the ship moments, Mom and I discovered a little deck on the side of the ship way down on the third story. It has life boats hanging above it which means that no one else is there and they leave it alone. It was quiet and sunny. I lay down with a pillow on a beach chair and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up I was warm and slightly sweaty (not from fever) and that was a pleasant sensation. Despite having napped for quite some time I still woke up before mom and took a picture of her while sleeping. In our cabin I often have to wear a coat because for some reason they keep the inside of the ship at sixty something degrees. I have to admit I would be terrified to bring the kids on a cruise. If one got lost we would NEVER find them. On the cruise most of things to do are gambling and dancing related. I do neither, I lay in the sun resting and missing Matt and the boys more than I can say. 

Well I got glammed up for dinner. I had a hot pink shirt to match my pink toes. I had mom take a picture, it was not flattering, but I really did look nice. We went to our formal dress dinner and I had some prime rib. After admiring people wearing short shiny dresses over fat old bodies we went upstairs and found a piece of really super fudgey chocolate cake that we brought back to our room to enjoy. Housekeeping had made an elephant with my sunglasses and towels. I liked it so much that I took a picture of it. I can feel the pitch and sway of the boat a little in our room; it isn't bad but if you get up to the fourth floor you don’t feel a thing. Thus is the life of the cheapskate down on the first floor.